Conversations...

In any kind of relationship, how much conversation is enough. How do we put a measure to understand what is a qualifying conversation of a day?

You make a ritualistic 5 minutes call at home... Is that enough? Or an hour long phone call with your lover qualifies as 'enough' for the day? Or what if... there is no phone call. You chat... how do you quantify that?  How and from where do you count? Do you count the minutes, or the hours or the lines that you have written and received a response for?

Our conversations today are Diluted...!!!

We talk to our partners or the significant others without even understanding why is it necessary... Why do we get an urge to communicate? You wouldn’t die if you didn’t talk... We have all had those days where we were mad at each other over a trivial matter and we ended the day without a conversation... but here we are with our hearts perfectly beating and our lungs not skipping any of those beats to breathe.

But on the other hand we all had had a day when we spoke with someone throughout the day, but it didn’t feel as if we really TALKED and the day felt incomplete.

“Let’s meet over a coffee. I have loads to tell you” you would say to your bestie... “I can’t wait for him to come back so we can meet and talk” you would gape at your fiancé’s display pic on your phone and say that to yourself.

Why?

Oxford says that ‘conversation’ is where two or more people exchange news or ideas... but haven’t we come a long way from that?

And it got me thinking... why do we talk? And what are we trying to achieve. Our minds are sentient and conversations are their respite. We talk to know someone, to know something about that someone... to be aware or to distract self.

But how much of it is enough let’s say for a day? What is that extremely gratifying amount of ‘talk’ that will put your pacing mind to peace?

I don’t know how much sense it makes to the readers of this post but to me, conversation is directly proportional to one's probability of finding meaning in it. And yes that means a fulfilling conversation can still be of 5 minutes in 24 long hours, given you don’t squander those 5 minutes in talking about what to buy on this End of Reason sale on Myntra.

We all live in an environment where these meaningful conversation can easily be diluted by meaningless trivia that may not demand those 5 precious minutes of your chat/call/ or face to face interaction.

To really find an answer to these... think about some of the days when you slept with your mind and heart satisfied up to the hilt with a conversation. What was it about?

One such gratifying conversation I remember from my old days is more about the moment than the content of the talk. That day we lay for more than an hour, sharing funny anecdotes from our lives and laughing tears off our eyes. I can’t give up, let alone forget the image of that smiling face on the pillow next to mine. As romantic as it sounds, but it was more about the moment when our teary eyes finally shut with our hearts gratified to those moments of meaningless but momentous conversation.

Another that I can easily recall was when I stole 40 minutes at work and spoke to a friend all troubled with questions she couldn’t answer. Those 40 minutes started with a trembling voice asking “what do I do”, and ended with an assured one that sounded as if she had her feet strong on the ground and then.. She giggled!

Recalling these conversations and many others that I was fortunate to have, I have come to realise that there are some easy tricks to identify these meaningful qualifying conversations. And no, time spent in them is not a measure!

These easy allusions are:

• They end on giggle/ smile/ laughter or any such synonym that you know of these words. And the laughter is not posed but perfectly genuine.
• They result into an Assurance. Assurance of knowing someone or being known, assurance that they know better and can see brighter, understanding self better. Assurance that people understand and they are standing with you.
• They Bolster or Reinforce something. Reinforce your love for someone, expressing gratitude, strengthened relationship, bolster beliefs, or simply sharing the other side of the story.
• They end with ‘Something to look forward to’... tomorrow, day after or in the near future... simple phrases like “See you tomorrow, Can’t wait to tell you this...”

And as George Miller says... a human being can process only up to minimum 5 units of information, I close my message at 4.

Next time, when you want to find out if the conversation was a qualifying one, sit back and reflect for a moment. Did you end it smiling or make the other person laugh? Did this reassure him/her of something? Did you bolster the faith in your relationship or any belief that you talked about? Did it envisage something, anything?

If you could manage to do even one of it during the day with your partner, I am sure you wouldn’t need a qualifying measure for your conversations. J

-Pratishtha 

Words...

Words...

Simple words, entwined in a thread, in sentences... when the last ones rhyme... they become a poem.

When expressed explicitly, they become your feelings.

When they revolve in someone’s mind, unaware of their destination or the source, they become thoughts.

When written on a maple leaf and blown to someone’s beloved’s house, they become a voice of love.

When spoken in the memory of a person who left, remembering all his deeds, good or bad, they become a eulogy.

When engraved on a tombstone near a grave, they become memories.

When spoken as heartfelt promises to a soul mate in the altar with a wedding ring in hand, they become wedding vows.

When said to a person who needs to talk, they become a comforting conversation.

When they spread smiles among a group of friends, become the reason behind their laughter and joy.

When spoken by a father to his son, they become an advice. When spoken by a mother to her children, they become care.

And when spoken to a person you love, they become everything...

They come together and form a lot more than the terms that I could think of in last one minute when I had one question in my mind, “What can words do to us?” We all know these terms and somewhere or other, sometime in our lives; we have experienced them in each form that they may exist.

There is nothing that we do not know about words. We know it all... The question that stands tall in front of me and tries to scare me like a nightmare is that: are we doing justice to them for what they stand? Are we using them enough?

In our busy lives full of reports, conferences, travelling and later TV sets, these words form only the part of our life called ‘existence’ and not the part named ‘living’. We have forgotten about one of the major roles that these tiny living creatures, (Yes! I would say ‘living creatures’) play in the life we LIVE, with our loved ones, families, friends, and significant others.

There is a time in every relationship when these words become more important than ‘Anything Else’ that you do. Sometimes, they heal the deepest of wounds. Sometimes, they become the strongest of supports that one might need. And agree or not, sometimes in our life, we have used them and made them everything of the above. A prayer, a wish, a promise, a letter! We sang, we consoled, we expressed, we proposed. We wrote, we shared, we thought, we cursed and most important, we conversed.

But what has man turned them into now? Do we really use them often? Yes we may! Do we use them enough? We don’t know! Do we use them with appropriate people/ or people in need? Or do we use the right ones with the right people? We never knew that was even a question that can be asked.

Words, have now become a ‘one worded text’ which says ‘k..’, ‘hmm..’, what else?’, ‘nothing much!’ and the so called conversation ends there. Words have become an audio formality which two people sitting next to each other, have to complete with eyes still stuck on smart phones, TV sets, laptop screens, etc. How often have we said “We have nothing to talk” convinced that it is true, and not thinking even for a second ‘can it really be true’? How often have we spoken them (words) thinking about the one who is listening to them, and what does he/ she needs? How often have we spoken just to prove ourselves and not to cradle what we have between us? How often have we spoken them to someone who just needs to talk, rather than being satisfied with a 5 minutes call in 24 hours boasting a fact that ‘Yes! We called’?

It’s not that we do not use them enough, but certainly, not enough with the people who need them the most.

Pratishtha

The Empty Day...

It was a regular day... like every day I went to work, came back and had nothing to do. I tried to pass my time, listened to some songs to ease my soul, thought I would go and watch something online but it could not answer the questions that my core was trying to explore. The day felt empty. I felt as if I had nothing in my hand, no one to talk to, nothing to do (of course except sleep, but my untamed mind was not enthused enough by the idea), nothing beside a few vague questions that were alien even to me.

So after spending hours wasting in front of the laptop, I stood up only to surrender myself to the noisy street that I live on. But to my surprise, it left me feeling emptier than I was already feeling. Today, our noisy lane was quiet. A lane, which never allowed us to sleep without horns honking after every 10 minutes, dogs barking and some wanderers talking, was empty. I found myself the only one standing at the window at 1 AM at night, staring endlessly at the wet and shiny road that had no one to give her company.

I stood there for some time trying to clear the fog that has emerged in my mind and engulfed the questions that were troubling me. But the emptiness that I could feel in me felt a lot like that of the road, as I could see her lying there alone. And while I was starting to find a little solace in the existence of that wet and empty road, I heard a sound. The sound was like of a motor and increasing with every passing second. And with that, came a companion to that road. It was a man, mid aged, riding his bike, probably going home or somewhere else.  He didn't seem like he was aware of the emptiness the road was feeling before, but he was carefree because of its existence.

But the road was not empty now. I could see it glinting as the Tyre of the bike passed over it leaving a trail of hope that soon that trail would be erased or overrun by a series of vehicles that would give her some company throughout the night. Even the dogs were back to sit beside her and continue their mission of chasing each and every car that passed.

Slowly I could see a series of vehicles passing by in front of me and the road’s purposelessness subsiding. But there I was, still without a purpose or even an understanding of the tornadoes inside my mind.

All my favorite stuff felt meaningless. I did not want to cook, read or even watch my favorite series that I would have gladly done if at all this silence within me was not as loud. I glanced at the windows of buildings across the road and could see tube lights flickering in two or three rooms in a huge residential building in front of me. Even those people had something important to do, which was keeping them awake till 2 in the midnight. Let alone the people, the lights also knew ‘flickering’ is what they had to do.

But how does it explain why I am not one of those who were not as empty as a white sheet of paper. I looked at the road again, and it shined... brighter than ever. It felt as if it was smiling at me well aware of my presence in that window. I felt her talking to me... “What are you looking at?” it asked. “The emptiness around me”, I replied meekly. “Why do you think it’s empty around you?” it asked, smiling in a motherly manner. All I could do was to shrug confused. “Are you confused? What do you think will pull you out of this emptiness? A companion... or a task? And what do you expect people to do about it? Is it (emptiness) because there is nobody to step in or is it you who have closed the doors yourself? What are you searching for? Have you lost anything? Do you really need to try this hard? These questions seemed more like my inner voices than what the road had to ask.

The emptiness that day did not give me any answers, but a lot of questions to ask why. And I knew, if I would go deeper, I would know. But the thing that I got to know, sitting at my windowsill staring at the shiny road was that there will be times when you are lost. There will be times when nothing in your life would work as you wish, not even the zip of your jacket. There will be times when you yourself would lock the doors towards you, so that nobody can step in. And it will be hard to differentiate. But some of these would be the times when you have to let go, when you need to stop searching. And even if it doesn't seem like one, the best way to get through that empty night would be to sleep through it, and when the morning comes, everything would make sense.

It was only after the sun rose the next day and I realized, while I was thinking everyone had something to do that night but me, I was wrong. That empty night, though the silence was screeching, gave way to all those voices within me to come out, so that they can make sense when I wake up. And that was my task... to listen to those voices within, that most of the times all of us ignore. So don’t worry if you find yourself surrounded by a weird emptiness, all you have to do is believe, that this is for something good. Your mind and soul can never be empty, the difference lies in how you search and see things around you, and within you.

Lost & Found

An endless passage an empty street,

An empty lone room can be more than it seems.

Thousands of thought and an empty feeling,

I realized I am lost in between all the shiny bling.

Lost in the thoughts,

Hidden in the corners of my brain,

M’ lost in the expedition,

M’ lost in the lane.

Lost in the sorrows,

M’ lost in the smiles,

I’ll bring me back to life,

But let me be lost for a while.

M’ lost in the Ice,

M’ lost in the fire,

M’ lost in the traces of an unknown Desire.

It’s pouring hard outside,

M’ lost in the droplets of rain,

M’ lost in the ease,

M’ lost in the pain.

I hope someone will find me,

I am somewhere close.

I am lost in those thorns,

In the petals of Rose

I am Lost in those deserts,

I am Lost in sand dunes,

M’ lost in the ocean,

In the notes of a tune

Lost in the sleeve, m’ lost in the hood,

M lost in the bad, m’ lost in the good.

I wish to be found and I guess…

Someone surely would…!!

Someone would switch on the light,

And find me if he could…

M’ lost in that ray of sun,

M’ lost in the woods.

I knew I was walking,

I sensed I lost the path…

And when I found my destination,

My path forgot the math.

I am Lost in the monsoon shower,

Lost in the summer breeze,

Lost in the spring that hovers,

M’ lost in a falling leaf.

Find me if you know where m’ I?

Find me in the truths, find me through the lies.

Find me on the shore in the castle of sand,

The wave must have drowned me to another land.

I lost myself to be found once again,

To see who finds me… to know who can’t…

To find who clings… to find who’ll leave…

To find out all the notions my heart believes.

In all these moments of being lost,

I found myself a real me.

Found all the answers hidden in a plea.

I found the simplicity behind the spree.

In the middle of a sandstorm,

I was a struggling flower…

I was lost in the weakness, but found myself in the power…!!

-Pratishtha.

Complicated Heart

I saw dreams,

Lovely, incredible, filled with gleam,

Walking in a lane, flowers in my path,

It’s hard to fathom this complicated heart,

God knew my queries, my question that I asked,

The more I frowned… the more he laughed.

A piece of text, a group of words, a simple phrase,

My heart feeling abandoned, looking for a place,

Reading & re-reading one simple name,

My eyes never tire, never ended the game…

Held tight, all the strength & smile on your door,

Later you discover, what you had was just the floor.

And you find out it wasn’t yours that you wore,

And wonder if it’s ever gonna be yours?

I loved living in dreams,

Truth banged my head…

I somehow befriended the truth,

Dreams felt sad, alone, but never said.

There was a reason why I saved myself those memories,

Everyone laughed…

Everyone told me what they feel,

What I want… nobody asked.

I had a choice to make… I had 2 ways to go,

Thought one of them, I was definitely sure.

I kept standing they chose it for me on their own,

What I longed for, no one ever known.

Walking down an empty street with an endless gaze,

“You’ve something in your mind…” they say.

My heart has inside it, millions of verbs & nouns,

I don’t know if m’ standing still or going down…

Large waves hitting noisily on the rocks in my heart,

My thoughts are frayed… they were not in the start…

Rain drops kept dangling over me above,

But they never knew about the things I love.

All I wanted was to feel the new sun on my face,

Wanted to walk this life as a smooth maze…

And in my answer they gave me this complicated heart that never behaved…

Yes I was walking in a lane with flowers in my path,

But it’s still hard to fathom this complicated heart.

                                                                                 - Pratishtha

Well it’s hard to fathom (understand) what I wrote here… so... never mind ;)

Little Things...

Little things…

You feel them everyday & you may not know they say something.

Sometimes you cry, sometimes you sing,

Sometimes you fall down… sometimes you swing…

Sometimes while standing high on a hill,

Wind blows across your hair & lips…

And suddenly you want to open up your arms n smile,

And wrap yourself in your arms, thinking of someone special, making it worthwhile.

Little things… yet they mean a lil’ something,

Sometimes while swinging on a swing,

You take some nice steps & pitch yourself high,

As if you wanna fly… high up in the sky…

Little things… you would never think…

Why you felt happy when someone special saw you & winked?

Yeah… it’s not a little thing, having your first kiss,

But it is when you close your eyes & smile, every time you think of it.

Sometimes sitting at the terrace, staring at the sky,

Waiting for a star to fall at night,

So that you can make one of your wish come true,

And you fall asleep, waiting all through…

Little things…

While standing in a park in the middle of a street,

A tiny droplet of rain fall on your sleeve,

And you look up in the sky & watch thousands of them falling on your face,

You just smile & do nothing; instead let them wet you all through your way.

Sometimes taking a long walk in the dark,

You see a star smiling to you & you smile back at the star,

And you decide to sleep on the hammock in the garden & walk on wet grass bare foot,

And you watch trees dancing with the wind and you want to be a flower in them too.

Walking on a silent beach or on a sea shore,

Staring at the horizon & sparkling stones,

You take a deep breath & smile on your mind & on things going around in it,

They, who never leave you alone, are these tiny little things...

Little things… they happen with us all the time…

But often… we are just too busy to notice….!!

Take some time out for yourself… feel them… enjoy them…!!

 -Pratishtha

Life in Dreams

Life in Dreams

“How long have you been dreaming?” A question hard to answer... probably not... maybe! What was the first one that you dreamt? A scary nightmare because you saw a hideous toy before going to sleep...  or an unknown path on which you were walking, tripped and fell down just to realize that it was just a dream.

Knowingly or unknowingly we have been dreaming from the time this small thing called mind was created. And now when I have traveled through the wilderness of my small life, I have come to realize that the meaning of this word ‘DREAM’ has been changing with every single step or rather every event of our life that we update on our Facebook timelines.

Dreaming of a scary night when you are stuck with a monster back in childhood... Dreaming of an exam in which you ran out of ink or almost forgot about the exam when you are a little grown up... dreaming of an absolutely perfect date with your crush in your teenage... dreaming about a perfect job and  a rich life when you are a little bit more responsible... and then.. Dreaming about all the good things when you are going through a bad phase... And then everything changes! The eyes are no more closed and deep inside your heart you start hoping all your dreamy imaginations will come true one day.

And then slowly your naïve hopes and expectations start finding solace in these sleepless dreams. Not to forget these dreams, when taken aback by reality, drifts you back to a state of despair. Despite of all the cons that these intoxicating clouds of imagination have, I love them... because they make you live each and every jiffy of that moment when you are building stories of your perfect encounter with life. And if you use your left side of your brain (the imaginative one), well then your silly, untamed dreams will let you live each and every joy you wanted to live, each and every curve that you wanted to smile, each and every tear that you wanted to cry, and all the hopes and surprises that you wanted to be true... someday!

Yes... That is why I love my Life in Dreams! Because they let me live a life that I wanted to live... and there is nobody to question. What difference does it make if it is real or not, if it makes you happier than you are in reality. At least you lived each and every moment that you wanted to and it made every second worthwhile.

So when I was extremely sad... crying like hell and sought support, could not talk to the people around me still wanted to be found out, consoled and healed, I stood up from my bed and went downstairs. I sat all by myself in the parking and cried till the tear bucket was empty. And just when I had enough of gaping and hoping to be found out, my friends, family and significant others came running... looking for me, found me, hugged me, asked me and healed me. That was what I dreamt of... with eyes wide open, sitting all by myself in that parking lot. What did reality give me? No one! What did my dream gave me... everything I wanted and just the way it was needed. And I pictured it again and again in my head... and that gave me peace and I smiled to myself. I lived that moment exactly the way I wanted to.

That was a single incidence from my treasure. But I live in dreams. It’s like a completely different life that I live, every day, every hour, every second, even every heart beat.

So the conclusion is... one has to fall down one day or another says reality. Things won’t happen the way you expect them to. So why not fly high before you fall, says a dream. Because to fly high and then fall is way better than to crawl and fall when both hurts the same. At least you could see the whole world, rather whole world’s happiness, from the heights that you flew.

Keep dreaming! ;)

- Pratishtha